Star Signs Reloaded

The Lost Signs will be revealed – now!

You are different?

Astrologers claim you are Gemini – but the two of you disagree?

Forecasts fail?

Stop torturing yourself! It’s time for reevaluation

Sign: Element: Traits: Goes BestWith:
Octopus Water Cuddly Mole, Whimperer, Zombie
Bat Air Sucker Turtle, Vagabond, Hag
Mole Earth Tunnel Visioned Octopus, Zombie, Whimperer
Turtle Fire Sulky Bat, Hag, Vagabond
Hag Fire Heretical Vagabond, Turtle, Bat
Whimperer Water Soggy Zombie, Octopus, Mole
Vagabond Air Sleazy Hag, Bat, Turtle
Zombie Earth Survivor Whimperer, Mole, Octopus

You want to scream: Help I’m a Hag!

Calm down – relax. Medieval times are over no one’s gonna burn you at the stake.

Far from it, you probably get your own TV-Show (I can’t guarantee they won’t burn you, if it’s reality TV).

.

You suspect your spouse to be a Zombie?

Well, if you were hoping for an inheritance soon, I have to disappoint you they tend to live forever.

Go for a Turtle next time they sometimes have been declared for dead after retreating to their shell – chances they won’t come out again are pretty good.

So, what about you – do you know who you are?

Great! Tell me!!!

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16 thoughts on “Star Signs Reloaded

  1. Satis says:

    Looks to me like I’m a whimperer…

    • Turber says:

      It’s no shame to cry easily or be whiney – In fact some of the greatest geniuses were born under this noble sign (Shakespeare, Marcel Proust, Dodo birds).
      Forecast:
      Love – Romance is in the air, always, practically only a tissue away.
      Money – Never underestimate the power of tears when asking for a raise.
      Health – Must be careful to drink plenty of water, otherwise risk of dehydrating.
      dodo bird

  2. Zombie seems like my thing.

    • Turber says:

      Well, you’re blessed, dear, not much out there you wouldn’t survive – You share that gift with a lot of cool folks (Rasputin, Nostradamus, Lemmings).
      Forecast:
      Love – A life on the edge, it’s good to follow your instincts, but don’t jump because all the others do it. In other words: pick your poison carefully!
      Money – Antiques are a splendid way to make sure money keeps coming in, just buy stuff now keep it for a while (your kind tends to live forever really) then put an exorbitant price tag on it.
      Health – Take good care of your limbs you’ll have them for a long time, wear marks could be a problem. Handle with care is key!
      Lemmings a life on the edge

  3. Erk. I’m a mole.

    • Turber says:

      Congrats, success is almost guarenteed! You like digging deep sometimes, there is nothing wrong with that, cause really precious things are usually well hidden – Treasure hunters knew that at all times (Blackbeard, Lara Croft, Jolly Roger)
      Forecast:
      Love – Things are not always what they seem, that is especially so with you, but once you set your eyes on something you really want, there will be no escape.
      Money – It’s no use to be short-sighted on that one, you do better on the long run – diamonds are a girl’s best friend, they never fail!
      Health – Curling up in a cozy place is fine, doing your own thing also, still try to look for new horizons every now and then.
      jolly roger a successful Mole

  4. Fay Moore says:

    Hysterical as ever. You are a laugh a minute. When I am glum, I come here. Glum gone.

    • Turber says:

      My dear Fay, this is a shelter for poor and tortured souls really, and I consider my duty performed anytime laughter is involved. God knows we need it all right now. What’s your sign, dear?

      • Fay Moore says:

        You did get my message! Our internet died just as I sent you a comment, so I thought it didn’t go.

        Do I dare tell you? I’m Gemini. Clue me when you have roasted me and my ilk on your site.

        xoxo to you.

      • Turber says:

        I don’t have any issues with Gemini people, they’re known to be talkative – I like that – what do I care how many Geminis may drive their shrinks crazy. 😉

  5. Ron says:

    I’m just a guy with a limerick reply…

    Some people like astrology,
    It tells what the future might be;
    They do it with stars,
    And planets like Mars,
    It takes away uncertainty

    Compliments of Humorous Interludes

  6. lexiconlover says:

    I’m moody as fuck, intense, self-sabotaging, insecure, but also marginally intelligent, deeply compassionate, tenacious and a definite scrapper. What do the stars say, do tell…..

    • Turber says:

      You are normal, dear! Perfectly normal. You can hate anybody, including yourself, as long as you don’t kill anyone (including yourself!) there is nothing to worry about. To me it sounds like your sign is the Bat.
      If that’s the case you are in good company (Lord Byron, Vlad the Impaler – better known as Dracula, most of the artists of any flea circus)
      Forecast:
      Love – Passion is fine, but try not to drain your victims to the last drop.
      Money – No need to join the mob, politicians are paid better anyway! And the best part: they do cover dental.
      Health – You should be okay, after all it’s very hard to kill you and most people don’t run around with a wooden stake – not on a daily basis.
      bat is coming for you

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