The Perfect Gift For Everyone

Gift-Packing-BoxI finally figured it out and I’m sure I’ll certainly attain nirvana for that – probably the only real achievement in my whole life anyway!

And as I’m terribly proud of myself a generous person – every now and then –

I’ll share the secret to happy existence with you:

Make proper gifts!

finger traps

Someting that everybody benefits from – Chinese finger traps are the key.

It’s so simple I could cry – in fact I am …

Why didn’t I think of that,  you may wonder – don’t torture yourself – epiphanies may come late in life or never, but in any case they’re hard to remember when sober again.

Anyway, for those who are still drunk, I’ll explain, so stop puking for a moment or two.

It worksThey are foolproof!

You can give it to people you like – watch them having a good time.

A charitable gift for people you hate – watch them and you’ll have a good time (priceless watching people how to make more use of their feet)

Relax and watch the beauty of simplicity.

Anyone with a proper business plan feel free to contact me!

Mountain top

Meditating for month on a mountain top finally paid off!

But don’t pin me down on that – could have been drinking on a rooftop, too  – I have no clear memory about it.

Buying Books – The Chain Of Happiness

books 7This chain of happiness is unique, nothing else ever gave me the same kind of elevated mood.

No need to go out on a bad hair day, you can hide behind your computer, far more effective than sunglasses.

Can’t beat that!

chain Ordering – hilarious, 1st step of excitement kicks in

Delivery – feeling very excited, can’t wait to unbox

Reading – pure delight, feeling very smart and sophisticated; still excited, goosebumps

Aftermath – very happy, found it + made it mine + learned so much = great accomplishment

cracker

Therefore incredibly proud of myself!

You can’t beat buying books, because buying food sucks!

Had to try it though…

Bought crackers the other day:

Curious – packaging looks good, crackers in cute shapes, gonna try this new brand

Drop it into cart – don’t feel much excitement actually

Reading ingredients – suddenly I feel very dizzy, collapsing on kitchen floor, few hours later found the courage to take a bite

Aftermath – don’t appreciate the taste, can’t get rid of it though, already tried: gin, vodka, and whisky

I’m glad it worked out for others – the dog on the packaging looks very happy.

I’ll go back to buying books – they feed me so much more I feel!

bookworm

Follow Me Into The Darkness Of My Mind

If you’re anything like me you probably torture what you love.

I love my followers!

Yes, that’s right now it’s gettin’ nasty..

I’ve been given another award!

It’s a shock – I know. Don’t panic! There are good news, too.

This will be the last one, for two reasons:

1) I’m tired of receiving orange stuff

2) This one probably traumatised me for good.

You wanna know who you should blame thank? This way: luckyluwi + Lynn

We all know the drill – don’t we?

Answer some questions about yourself.

Pick 10 other victims for this award.

Scare the hell out of ’em by letting them know it’s their turn now.

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Just in case you’re wondering why my award looks different – I have orange issues as you might well know.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about – this way to enlightenment.

.

  1. What is your favorite color? Look at my blog and guess
  2. What is your favorite animal? Fish (so versatile, look good, taste good)
  3. What is your favorite number? 66 next year probably 67 (click here for the reason)
  4. What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Water (I use it for everything, even bathe in it)
  5. Do you prefer Facebook or Twitter? Obviously WordPress (I’m corrupted by the awards)
  6. What is your passion? Alan Rickman, Alan Rickman, Alan …
  7. Do you prefer getting or giving presents? I prefer getting presents that don’t suck (if they do, I prefer giving them those in need)
  8. What is your favorite pattern? Wake up – kill time – go to bed – wake up …
  9. What is your favorite day of the week? The one I’ll get picked up by the mothership
  10. Favorite flower? Audrey II (from Little Shop of Horrors)

Gonna announce the new victims – heaven help them all.

http://thedailygraff.com

http://paradisevslife.wordpress.com

http://chrissyadventures.wordpress.com

http://patsytomkins.com

http://kateshrewsday.com

http://mylifeworthliving.com

http://ohmymuse.wordpress.com

http://sleepandsalami.wordpress.com

http://therealmofgreen.wordpress.com

http://thestayathomephilosopher.wordpress.com

Avoid Dark Alleys And Muskrats

It was definitely the wrong turn to take.

I was lost, it was so dark, wet, and creepy.

Believe me there are better places for loitering.

This shifty little bugger snitched my pen.

It’s a pen, so what, get another one damnit – you say?

That objection seems reasonable, at first!

You must know:

I hang on to it for sentimental reasons.

I wouldn’t make a fuzz about it – but it was my favorite  – I snitched it from my math teacher once.

So, you see it’s imperative I get it back.

My precious, my treasure … *cough* … sorry fishbone stuck in my throat.

Don’t let the fluffy furiness ensnare you – there is a criminal mind at work.

Have you seen this muskrat?

Current residence of the fugitive unknown.

Any relevant information will be appreciated.

But not rewarded!

Does anyone know if you turn into something weird, after being bitten by a muskrat?

I was never into that superhero thing.

Hope Unites Globally – Splendid Marvellous Wonderful

Barely awakening from my Irish-Coffee-Coma, I realise that a load of honor has been dumped over me, again, and I just didn’t get it.

Lovely Lynn had the kindness to give me the HUG Award!

You can find her right here: http://deceitfulland.wordpress.com

This award is a bit different than the other blogger-awards (it took me a while to figure it all out, and I’m glad this lady: LScott helped me to do so).

Now, me being absolutely – not modest at all – well, I do not only feel the urge to give back, but to do my best to drag others into my misery loving arms.

Once I’m determined to like you – there will be no escape!

This is how it works: instructions

Read it and weep – I did.

There’s nothing so heartwarming like a dearly hug – the next best thing is: to get the H.U.G. Award.

I wanna give a H.U.G. to these guys:


The Versatile Blogger Award – Yes I’m The Chosen One

EllaDee, this way to her abode

http://elladeewords.wordpress.com

has been sweet enough to nominate me for a Versatile Blogger Award!

I admit, it took me a while to get the gist, though.

As I understand it, the rules for accepting this award are as follows:

1. Thank the award-givers and link back to them in your post.

(No problem – piece of cake – done!)

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

(Damn, I knew there’s a fly in the ointment!)

3. Pass this award along to 15 or 20 of your favorite bloggers.

(Yes, I can do that – it’s always a good feelin’ to spread the love!)

4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

(There goes my day and what’s left of my sanity!

Sometimes you gotta work hard for the money award.)

I’ve never even dreamed this would ever happen to me.

Dirt about me:

1. I consider myself a human being – on good days.

2. I do not believe in regret – I pity those who do – I go with denial.

3. I am not insensitive – only people who don’t understand me claim that.

4. I do admit I’m weird, sometimes, okay most of the time – but I’m mostly harmless.

5. I heard fame is very hard to deal with – I don’t care – I’d embrace anything that brings me closer to Alan Rickman (Now, that I’ve won my first award I’m on the right way I think, from here it’s just a small step to an Oscar.)

6. I can’t stand it when I run out of Fortune Cookies – how can anyone live without their wisdom?

7. I feel so dirty right now, I never thought I’d make so many confessions – without having slept with you first, at least.

Other Bloggers you might want to

haunt

stalk

check out:

http://naesnest.me/

http://deceitfulland.wordpress.com/

http://westendsingleton.wordpress.com/

http://london-survival.com/

http://yoyodyne.wordpress.com/

http://todayinhh.com/

http://dederants.wordpress.com/

http://faymoore.wordpress.com/

http://sherryfowlerchancellor.wordpress.com/

http://gimmeyummy.wordpress.com/

http://unlikelyexplanations.com/

http://youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com/

http://ronyaroshauthor.com/

http://belleofthecarnival.com/

http://magsx2.wordpress.com/

http://edwardhotspur.wordpress.com/

Anyway, cheer up folks, you just won yourselves a splendid award!

Valentine’s Day – Blessing Or Curse

So you are not hot, gorgeous, rich and famous like him,

which would mean

people would give their right arm

to get laid by you.

Neither are you sexy, irresitible, rich and famous like her,

which would mean

you could practically seduce

any living thing on this planet.

Welcome to Broken-Heart-Alley

Valentine’s Day or candy-coated misery (as some may refer to it), can be tough and even painful for neglected creatures.

You: Be my Valentine!

Other Person: Be your own Valentine, I’m busy!!!

So, now you need to be absolutely honest about your feelings, if you don’t you might end up as one of this crazy cat people.

Answer the question below, that will give you a first clue and determine the state of your derangement. Besides it will show you how many other people share the same fate. You might want to do this for your own good.

.

By now you know whether you are a happy camper or not.

For those of you living a life full of joy – Happy Valentine’s Day!

The rest, stay tuned there is hope and help will be provided.

No, no close the window you won’t jump out, you gonna have an appointment with Dr. Turber soon…

Alan Rickman, Thanks To New Photos

Just had to have this awesomeness on my blog, hope you enjoy as much as I do…

AirportBurrito

 

There are two more on photographer Carlos Lumiere‘s site under the Portraiture category.

I just stumbled onto these via Tumblr a few minutes ago, and upon first sight, my ovaries packed up and left.

P.S. It’s lovely to see Alan in that hat. UNF.

P.S.S. IDGAF if he’ll be 66 on Feb. 21… he’s EFFING HAWT.

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Had A Dream

Picture by ZLReynolds

Strange town never been here before. Nobody else here, that’s weird.

Thank god I never travel without my waffle iron.

Need to pray, looking for a chapel, temple, anything nearby would be fine.

Picture by Joelk75

Found an abandoned conservatory It’ll do.

Fall on my knees immediately.

Wasn’t a good idea, broken glass everywhere.

Clasping my waffle iron, begging for mercy.

I awake screamingly, relieved it was only a dream.

What the hell happened to my knees?

Picture by AMagill

No Oscar Any Time Soon For Alan Rickman – 10 Step Program

Welcome to the Help Camp!

Home of the desperate, shelter for the disappointed, place for pissed ones.

You are furious?

Mad about the injustice that Alan Rickman isn’t even nominated for the Oscar?

Then you came to the right place!

Just follow my 10-Step-Get-Well-Soon-Program-For-Rickmaniacs and you will survive.

Step 1: First of all, it’s not the end of the world – it only feels like that, it’ll pass – try to breathe.

While your at it inhale this:

Step 2: Resist to eat!

If you shove in too much ice cream, candy and cake into your mouth, it won’t fill the emptiness and remember sorrows don’t drown – they can swim – stay away from booze, too!

Have some tea with Alan instead:

Step 3: Primal scream therapy

Scream, as loud as you can, you’ll feel better, promise.

In case you’ve sensitive neighbors, or other insensitive people, who do not share your pain, scream into your pillow, or if it’s already wet from your tears, the nearest woods will do.

Step 4: Let’s have a bit of a think.

Incredibly talented. – Yes

Very smart. – Yes

Intriguing personality. – Yes

Handsome (almost too much to handle in fact). – Absolutely

So let’s say he’s the total package.

There is no need to feel sorry for him!

Step 5: Dance with Alan – he’s even (almost) singing for you.

Listen to that soft silky voice and tell me you don’t want to Foxtrot, Tango, Quickstep, Samba…

Refuse to dance? I don’t think so!

Step 6: Confess that the obsession with Alan Rickman is bigger than you.

I hereby confess, there is no other Rickman than Alan, and I will worship him forever.

Amen!

Step 7: Call yourself a Rickmaniac and be proud of it.

You are not alone!

Injustice! Alan Rickman should have been nominated for Oscars

For the love of Alan Rickman

Step 8: Find a way back to life.

Path to enlightenment.

Step 9: Take full responsibility.

You are sad and you have the goddamn right to be.

Step 10: Ask for help!

I’m there for you, I understand, I share your pain.

Don’t hesitate to let me know.

Be aware of the fact:

He doesn’t need a naked bald guy in gold coating to be gorgeous, he already is.

By the way, he has the sexiest hair in the world himself, so whatever you do – don’t panic!