Things I don’t get – Right Kind Of Sleep

Picture by tinou bao

I never thought sleeping was a hard business – I kept falling asleep a lot in school.

But nowadays I seem to have severe problems in that department …

Monday: couldn’t sleep because I was freezing – too lazy to get up and grab another blanket

Tuesday: was sleeping with two blankets – too stupid to get rid of one during my nightmares, thanks to severe sweating dehydrated to some state of unconsciousness

Wednesday: went to bed early – big mistake should’ve had some dinner first, very hungry, in fact to hungry to get up and have midnight snack

Thursday: ate a lot so I wouldn’t suffer empty stomach – good idea carried out poorly, had to go to the bathroom every hour or so, not much sleep apart from the hour I doze off while on the john

Friday: severe insomnia caused by panic attacks whenever I saw my bed – took some valerian drops and slept on the sofa

I can’t help thinking I’m doing something fundamentally wrong here …

The Perfect Gift For Everyone

I finally figured it out and I’m sure I’ll certainly attain nirvana for that – probably the only real achievement in my whole life anyway!

And as I’m terribly proud of myself a generous person – every now and then –

I’ll share the secret to happy existence with you:

Make proper gifts!

Someting that everybody benefits from – Chinese finger traps are the key.

It’s so simple I could cry – in fact I am …

Why didn’t I think of that,  you may wonder – don’t torture yourself – epiphanies may come late in life or never, but in any case they’re hard to remember when sober again.

Anyway, for those who are still drunk, I’ll explain, so stop puking for a moment or two.

They are foolproof!

You can give it to people you like – watch them having a good time.

A charitable gift for people you hate – watch them and you’ll have a good time (priceless watching people how to make more use of their feet)

Relax and watch the beauty of simplicity.

Anyone with a proper business plan feel free to contact me!

Meditating for month on a mountain top finally paid off!

But don’t pin me down on that – could have been drinking on a rooftop, too  – I have no clear memory about it.

Voices In My Head – The Boss

I can’t take it anymore, can you take it?

I feel the walls are closing in on me.

This is vile and humiliating.

Who the f… are you, anyway?

I’m the one telling you to relax! Good lord, just a couple more minutes and we’re done.

Getting a hair cut is not lethal – damn, cramp in my calf, help me quick gotta get outta here, NOW!

Emerald – Now You’re Talking!

Emerald green was made color of the year 2013 – what a relief!

Last year was a disaster colorwise and otherwise, too.

In case you’ve forgotten the orangeness issue or don’t know what I’m talking about altogether.

Here you go dear: click please (that’s right don’t be shy!)

I am very sensitive to colors, especially in the wrong places.

I love blue obviously, still I don’t think it looks good on teeth.

Color theory says: green is a combination of blue and yellow.

There is nothing wrong with that.

I consider that a good pairing – like Alan Rickman and myself – match made in heaven.

A lot of things I like are green:

trees, green velvet, green traffic lights,

money, St. Patrick’s Day, leprechauns (check this out if you don’t believe me)

Kermit the frog, Emerald City, emeralds in general – particularly nice as gifts. 

Maybe the wizard could help?

I am not afraid of flying, I am willing to buy a red pair of shoes, and I definitely know a lot of witches!

This is gonna be my year – I feel it!

Happy Birthday Alan Rickman – What A Glorious Day Now & Then

Alan Rickman is alleged to be hatched by a phoenix  from a golden egg.

This rumor was around for a while (probably launched by Jo Rowling).

This was  doubted by many, refusing to believe Alan would burst into flames and be reborn from the ashes.

He’s undeniable hot though!

Personally, I don’t care as for me Alan is immortal, anyway.

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Wikipedia says he was born

in London and will celebrate

his 67th Birthday today.

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..

As we all know Alan is one of the finest actors, directors and human beings on this planet.Those who don’t know – shame on you!

But I’m here to help, it’s never to late to educate yourself. I live by that.

Since I’ve started to stalk  show intensive interest in his – well let’s just say career – I’ve learned an awful lot of things.

5 Steps for wannabe Rickmaniacs

 1  If you ever bump into him never under any circumstances address him as Professor Snape – you won’t be lucky enough to receive the Avada Kedavra Curse, you’d only whish.

2  Be aware that the obsession for Alan Rickman is contagious – I’m just sayin’ (if you’re the jealous type you might want to keep away your girlfriend or boyfriend from Alan related material)

3  You really need to be certain about your priorities – I’d turn right like every red-blooded Rickmaniac!

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4  A sure sign you’re on your way to be a Rickmaniac is when all items on your bucket list say: meet Alan Rickman.

5  There are 7  Easter Eggs on this page the good ones are harder to find (obviously) – some more extra fun for all Rickmaniacs – good luck.

Happy Birthday Alan Rickman!

I’ll go and find out how to put 67 candles on a cupcake…

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Valentine’s Day With Alan Rickman

Oh Turber, how lucky can you get!?

Found a 12-year-old fortune cookie – had a weird color.

I don’t think green is a good color for fortune cookies.

It said:

“Today you will meet the love of your life”

Didn’t want to push my luck – so, I ate it.

Was a good idea 15 min later I saw Cupid approaching me.

Telling me to follow him, he’d lead me to Alan Rickman.

Was a blissful night out!

I picked Alan up in front of the movie theatre.

We went to a burlesque show and ended up in a drag club later.

Last thing I remember is the special cocktail of the house,  the barkeeper started to provide us with.

Every drink came with an extra bucket to the table.

VIP treatment I guess.

Although they refused to give them for free.

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The best Valentine’s Day of my life!

Woke up the next morning clutching this movie poster to my heart.

How sweet of him leaving a souvenir for me, probably didn’t want to wake me up before leaving.

Wonder why he didn’t leave me a note or at least sign the poster?

Phone rings, unfortunately not Alan.

Cinema manager yell’s at me while I try to explain, that the fortune cookie was right.

Neglected the other love of my life for too long.

Thank God my waffle iron is never mad at me.

I wonder if Alan likes waffles? Next time I’ll be prepared!

Maybe he’ll stay then for breakfast.

Voices In My Head – Deviations

It dawns on me life might be too short to stick to this till the end.

I feel really naughty today.

That’s perfectly normal.

No risk no fun, right?

Alright, we’ll try a new cereal brand.

Buying Books – The Chain Of Happiness

This chain of happiness is unique, nothing else ever gave me the same kind of elevated mood.

No need to go out on a bad hair day, you can hide behind your computer, far more effective than sunglasses.

Can’t beat that!

Ordering – hilarious, 1st step of excitement kicks in

Delivery – feeling very excited, can’t wait to unbox

Reading – pure delight, feeling very smart and sophisticated; still excited, goosebumps

Aftermath – very happy, found it + made it mine + learned so much = great accomplishment

Therefore incredibly proud of myself!

You can’t beat buying books, because buying food sucks!

Had to try it though…

Bought crackers the other day:

Curious – packaging looks good, crackers in cute shapes, gonna try this new brand

Drop it into cart – don’t feel much excitement actually

Reading ingredients – suddenly I feel very dizzy, collapsing on kitchen floor, few hours later found the courage to take a bite

Aftermath – don’t appreciate the taste, can’t get rid of it though, already tried: gin, vodka, and whisky

I’m glad it worked out for others – the dog on the packaging looks very happy.

I’ll go back to buying books – they feed me so much more I feel!

Back From Tibet – But Still Fighting For Buddhism Based On Alan Rickman

Just returned from my self-discovery trip to Tibet.

Was real tough, almost became a Buddhist!

Stepped back from that idea after a couple of monks tried to slay me.

Still trying to figure out what upset them so much, these guys are supposed to be peaceful souls right?

I think my idea of conveying a whole new branch of Buddhism arround the glory of having Alan Rickman on this planet might have  failed.

Although I’m not sure yet, I hope they give it a thought, as soon as they calm down a bit.

It started out so good, armed with my backpack and diary, invited by a bunch of monks to stay at the monastery.

Water had a funny color, taste was most interesting, couldn’t take the rice though, caused terrible stomach ache.

Made a lot of friends – fright of cockroaches and huge bugs practically gone.

Gold everywhere, scraped bits off whenever I could, for souvenir purposes.

Must admit had trouble though discovering myself – I blame the lack of internet access for that.

Monks didn’t empathize with me on this. Felt it was time for my:

“Why Alan Rickman is so divine”-lecture

Was a disaster, caused almost a riot.

Again, I blame lack of internet for that.

Six month of backpacking sucks, if there is no internet access anywhere!

What I’ve learned:

I don’t want to live without internet ever again.

Don’t trust a monk with a torch.

Adoring Alan Rickman will unite people some day.

Ring Around The Rosie

It’s not a crime to trip and fall one might think. Obviously not everybody thinks that way.

He did not only lose the ring, but also his patience not to mention his fiancé. I don’t blame the girl, you wouldn’t either, after seeing the guy.

He had no right to blame me for that and certainly none to punish my car!

I was chasing the guy, while he was chasing his ex-fiancé, when her quarterback of a brother, decided to come after me.

So, while they where foaming at the mouth, I tried to maintain some grace.

I don’t go screaming the place down – I curl up to fetal position and cover myself with a blanket.

I decided I’d stop squandering good manners to the ungrateful.

Don’t they know the rules of common courtesy?

How barbaric.

Would it kill you to show some compassion?

Tired by all that fuss, I suggested he should sort things out with her.

I mean really he’d probably just need to toss a rose onto her lap.

I’m pretty sure they did not suffer from rabies, but I wish I could say the same about derangement.